James Bodinger works in education, teaching science to 11-18 year olds in Wales. Father of two, James is also a keen amateur graffiti artist, who hosts a graffiti club at his school, and runs a part-time T-shirt business.
I’d been interested in the Process for some time when I met up with a friend not long after she’d done the course – I could instantly tell she’d changed. I can only describe her as ‘glowing’; she looked utterly radiant – she was more confident and thoughtful than ever before. She admitted she’d been slightly cynical before the Process but afterwards she was evangelical about the benefits. After we met up, she gave me You Can Change Your Life, the book by Hoffman UK founder Tim Laurence – I devoured it in one sitting and so much resonated with me.
I came across the scholarship programme on the Hoffman website and realised that potentially I was eligible for it. I decided to strike while the iron was hot and applied straight away. Filling out the application really helped cement the reasons why I wanted to do the Process. I particularly enjoyed completing the scholarship part, as it focussed my thinking around how it would help with work and optimise my time with pupils.
I was delighted to be awarded a scholarship in December 2023 and booked myself onto the March 2024 Process to allow myself plenty of time to do the necessary pre-course work.
Before the Process, I’d been really struggling with a disconnect between my feelings and actions. I was increasingly frustrated and sometimes angry. One to one therapy had helped me to some degree, but there was a feeling of something missing. I knew that some of the issues I was having stemmed from my upbringing and I was really excited at the prospect of spending a week on myself to work out who I really was and what I truly wanted in life.
I actually really enjoyed the pre-course work and found it incredibly illuminating. I quickly realised I’d been raised with a lot of negativity around spirituality which was one of the things I was open to exploring on the course. As a science teacher, I was aware that my rational, logical side might take over. However, I was determined to give it my all on the Process and allow myself to access a side of me that I knew had been buried over the years. I went into the week prepared to break through one of my patterns of being a staunch, militant atheist and to be open-minded about my spiritual side.
Like all of the other graduates, I was somewhat nervous with anticipation on the first day, but that soon faded when I met the facilitators and I knew I was in safe hands. Parts of the week were challenging, but one of my major takeaways was how well constructed it was. Each day was different with new questions and discoveries, but it always surprised me in how it flowed from one part to the next so naturally – what you needed was often the next thing you were doing. This really helped me to give in to the Process and have confidence to lean into it as much as possible.
For me personally, letting go of my intellect was really important, and the relentlessness of some of the expressive work will really stay with me. The rhythms of our group bashings moved me at a primal level that I’ll never forget. It helped me connect with my group and myself in a way that I could never have predicted.
Quite early on, I was struck by the power of the group. I’ve never witnessed such vulnerability and openness before and this has stuck with me more than anything from that week. The awareness of this connection is so powerful that it’s had a huge impact on the work I do in school. I’m now happy and confident to show vulnerability with my pupils. This has brought barriers down and allowed genuine connections to form. It’s been particularly useful with the more challenging students.
I feel that Hoffman has accelerated all the things I was trying to achieve at work. It’s impacted my relationship with my boss – for example, I’m better at asking for help when I need it. I think she found this a bit unnerving when it first happened! Now she really appreciates my honesty. My relationships with the learning support assistants has markedly improved, as I’ve taken a greater interest in them and their role. I suppose you could say I’ve become more ‘person-centred’ in my work.
My relationship with my sons has also benefited. Quite soon after the Process, we sat down and talked about the things I’d learnt and I admitted I hadn’t always got things right when it came to being a father. The impact of this on my eldest son in particular, was amazing. It was as if my opening up gave him licence to open up as well. He was quite serious beforehand and didn’t say much about his feelings. We now have a much more honest and open relationship, which I don’t think we’d have had without me going on the Process.
Things have also improved with my ex-wife. I recognised the part I’d played in our break-up and was able to be honest with her about my regrets. This has had hugely positive effect on how we communicate and our interactions. She invited me to our son’s birthday party recently and genuinely wanted me to be there.
With regards to the relationship with my parents, well that’s a different story. The more I dug into my upbringing, the more complicated I realised it had been. I’ve started the work with them, but it’s a slow process. The difference now is that I feel I have the resources and inner strength to face the issues which I didn’t have before.
Back to the Process week. Doing the Quadrinity check-ins was a revelation to me. This is where we learned to regularly check in with our intellect, our emotional state, our body and our spiritual aspect, or ‘best’ self’. I realised how much I’d neglected my body in my younger years by essentially chasing dopamine hits. I’d really taken my body for granted and now realise I need to take more care of it. I do a Quad Check every day, if not twice a day. I used to find it hard to listen to what my body needed and now I’m much more attuned to this, as well as my emotional and spiritual needs.
In fact, finding my spiritual self has been a revelation and drives a lot of what I do now. Journalling has been a big part of this journey and allowed me to access the deeper, more authentic side of myself.
As a young man, I was scared a lot of the time. What the Process has done is to take away ‘fear’; I’m not scared any more. I used to be so afraid of failing; so afraid of risk. Now I just see a world of exciting possibilities before me. I want to continue my teaching, but I also want to diversify into other areas. The Process has helped me find the courage to do this.
Overall, when I look back, I can’t quite believe the amount of good that came out of the Process and how much I learned about myself. Every day over that magical week, I was continually surprised and delighted. I was so impressed by both the construction and the facilitation of the course. The facilitators had a huge impact on me. I’m not quite sure how they did it, but they managed a fine balance of seriousness and playfulness, backed up by a tremendous amount of care and compassion.
So, what were my main takeaways and things that have impacted my life so far?
I now understand the power of vulnerability and showing up in life as my authentic self- I realised that I hadn’t been a great father to myself and I’m now rectifying that
- I recognised the power of the group to help me be seen and to see others. This had a huge impact on me throughout the course, but also post-Process. My group continue to be in contact/meet up and are a great support to one another, as we all share the same emotional vocabulary
- I realised that I masked my true feelings with humour. I no longer do this
- I’ve learnt to put my intellect to one side when I need to and listen to the other parts of myself
- I’m far less angry than I used to be. The expressive work we did really helped dissipate my anger. I’ve found myself being more patient and kinder to people, and I bring that into my classroom too
The latter has had a huge impact on my pupils. They noticed the change in me immediately – I’m more transparent and authentic in the way I show up. This comes from a place of really caring for them as well as wanting to educate them, which has really helped in the pastoral side of my role too. When students come to me with problems, I have been more invested in helping them, so they open up more.
Would I advise anyone to do the Process? Of course! In fact, my sister asked me recently if she thought she should do the Process. I responded, as my friend had with me, by suggesting she reads Tim’s book and checks out the Hoffman website. In my experience, Hoffman speaks to you when you need it most.
We’d like to thank James for sharing his story with the Hoffman community. You can find out more about his T-shirt business on Instagram, here: www.instagram.com/gmfbodinger/
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